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For Pete's Sake.

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It’s official, Jessica’s li’l sis Ashlee Simpson is all grown up and engaged to Fall out Boy rocker Pete Wentz! This news makes me wanna La La! I haven’t been this happy since Hasbro re-released My Little Pony! Congratulations guys!


I can’t help but wonder though, when Ashlee is standing there at the altar, staring into Pete’s eyes rimmed with charcoal guyliner, and the Officiant beckons her to say those two magic words…will our girl Ashlee whisper “I do”?…Or will a pre-recorded track come blaring through the church soundsystem accepting Pete as her husband ‘til death do they part? And if that did happen, would Ashlee do a hoedown on her escape from embarrassment down the aisle? Would Jess’s boytoy Dallas Cowboy Tony Romo step in and tackle the runaway bride to keep her from getting past the end zone?

Now I’m really stressed.

Do Pete a favor Ash, take good care of the pipes and all the pieces, the pieces, the pieces of you. Be proactive and take some Prevacid or Pepcid AC so you don’t get acid reflux on your wedding day…that would suck.

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Pete with a new nose that matches Ashlee’s.

*Keepin’ it real.


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Samara Sanchez

About Sammy

Sammy Sanchez is a Miami based freelance writer, greeting card designer, and self-professed USWeeklyholic. Sammy loves tall coffee light frappuccinos, vino not from a box, and Mark Ruffalo...not necessarily in that order.
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