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May 2008 Archives

Jock Itch.

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Once upon a time...in a Hollywood far, far away, the princesses of Tinseltown found their Prince Charmings in the forms of sleazy, tatted, not-so-pretty rockstars. Times have changed in La La Land, and now there's a new Prince Charming on the horizon, seducing fairy princess supermodels, it girls, and pop stars alike...The athlete.

Gisele Bündchen had another idea of Fantasy Football in mind when she traded Leonardo DiCaprio in for New England quarterback Tom Brady, even though he already had a bünd in the oven with actress Bridget Moynahan, (oooh scandalous). Eva Longoria shot and scored and is now desperate housewife to San Antonio Spurs point guard Tony Parker while Hilary Duff said goodbye to Good Charlotte frontman Joel Madden and hello to Mike Comrie. Apparently she's been spotted skating around town with the NY Islanders center and could care less her ex just had a baby with Nicole Ritchie...(Good form Hilary, someone get that girl a hat trick). Lest I forget our little tunafish challenged Jessica Simpson...It's a lot warmer than 98 degrees with Dallas CowboyTony Romo who thinks both Nick Lachey and John Mayer made huge fumbles in dumping a girl whose body is like, a total wonderland.


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This trend all makes perfect sense really, reverting back to high school days when the jocks got the cheerleaders, the homecoming queens, dance line captains...the Mean Girls personified. The cheerleaders never went for the dark, poetic, ratty looking musicians who spent all year prepping for the Battle of the Bands back then...they went for the testosterone fueled, muscled dudes who could crash a beer can on their head without flinching.

Personally, I think it's easier to date an athlete over a musician any day. Musicians are too sensitive. They break their guitars on stage and then cry about you hurting their feelings. Athletes are easier than a game of kindergarten kickball. As long as you feed them lots of Chunky soup and have tons of Icy Hot on hand, you're good to go.

It's all a matter of taste, but I have a feeling this star athlete hookup trend is going to last awhile. Don't be surprised if Jessica Biel dumps Justin Timberlake's ass because her ex Derek Jeter is bringing sexy back...

...and they all lived happily ever after.

*Keepin' score,

sammy

Summer brings along so many choices...kite surfing or boogie boarding? Spf 15 or 30? Frozen margarita or rum runner?...Bikini or one-piece? For all of you girls stuck between a bikini and a hard place, i've got just the piece for you to suit up in. Enjoy the best of both worlds with the Insight Robot Monokini.

This seventies inspired swimsuit has all the sexiness of a bikini, with a bit of extra fabric for the more conservative beachgoer. You may have some funky tan lines, but it'll come in handy in covering up your innie if your navel ring ever gets infected.

*Keepin' it interesting,

sammy

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Are you ready boots?

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These boots are made for walking
and that's just what they'll do...
one of these days these boots
will be on sale from Jimmy Choo.

Nancy Sinatra was right. That day is here. Get these ruched prairie boots from the master of fab footwear Jimmy Choo before they're out of your size. Don't let the name fool you, Laura Ingalls from Little House wouldn't be caught dead in these. I know it's gladiator sandal season, but it's never too early to start stocking away for Fall. Retail value is $1200...You can nab 'em at Bluefly.com for $599. That's a bootylicious deal if I do say so myself.

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Bite Me.

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It's official. I've been bitten by the Bitten bug.

If you didn't already know, fashion icon Sarah Jessica Parker has her own line of apparel sold exclusively at Steve & Barry's stores nationwide. The line is aptly named Bitten...I know what you must be thinking: big ass flower pins, vintage frocks, miles of Manolo Blahniks, gold nameplates, newsboy caps...a fusion of whimsical eclectic, neo-bohemian, and princess couture. You're wrong.

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The key looks are comprised of American classics- smart, comfortable staples that are wearable, and made for chicks of all ages, shapes, and sizes...and I went and saved the best for last- Bitten won't break your bank. In fact, every piece in the line is priced at $19.98 and less. If you don't believe me, check out this Mercer two button vest for $8.98. That's a deal that's good enough to eat.

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Sarah Jessica says, "Fashion is not a luxury, it's a right." True dat Sarah. It's our inalienable right. I think we need another amendment to the Constitution...the right to bear cool, cheap duds. I'll write to my Congressman.

I've bitten off more than I could chew.

* sammy.

Gold Rush.

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They just raised the credit line on your AmEx Gold card...What better way to celebrate than on this Alexandra Dillon Sequin mini dress? It's gold, it's glam, and it'll go great with my new gold grill. Okay...maybe not.

Originally $169, on sale for $49.99 at Victoria's Secret. Wish I could score some gold free panties too while I'm at it.

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It's worth it's weight in gold.

*sammy

Mad Hat-ter.

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Okay. I've already clued you in on my position on hats...so you can probably understand my aversion to the Kentucky Derby fashions that came out to play this past weekend. Glory, glory hallelujah. The hats were larger than life. I'm talking big. Bigger than Colin Farrel's alcohol intake big. Wide-brimmed, feather-festooned, flower-adorned...you name it, they were covering celebrity heads.

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I believe this tradition began somewhere during the last two centuries, and I'm betting it's all one mint julep sipping old lady's fault. I can just picture Miss Betty Jo Sue deciding to wear her big ass hat in response to a bad hair day, and thus...the Derby became a hatfest rather that a horsefest. While the gals make their heady statements, the guys are all decked out in dapper suits, exuding charm and true Southern Comfort. Personally I think the boys should start wearing giant clown shoes to compensate for their partners ribboned, feathered, plumed monstrosities. You know what they say about men with big feet.
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I find it interesting that the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland has more fashion sense than Heidi Montag from the Hills. At least he knows to opt for only one big accessory at a time. Lose the watch Heidi.

*Keepin' it at the races,

sammy

Alexandra Dillon is officially on my designers I'd like to go clubbing with. Her dresses are more short, fun, and flirty than Marissa Janet Winokur from Dancing with the Stars. I just love me a perky dress.

If you're not afraid of bold prints and/or the color green, slip Alexandra's Babydoll mini dress on for size. It makes a great spring statement, not to mention the hey, check out my boobs in this plunging neckline statement. I'm especially digging the three-quarter lantern sleeves. It makes me feel very Twiggy/ Rosemary's Babyish, and $98 isn't bad compared to the $1095 I spent on a Stella Mccartney dress with my fake Lotto money.

Too bad I didn't find it by St. Patrick's Day. Would've saved me some mega pinching.

*Keepin' it mod,

sammy

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In honor of Mother's Day this Sunday, I've decided to induct five celebrity moms into the very prestigious letstalkstyle Hot Mom Hall of Fame. I feel these particular mommies need to be commended for upholding their sizzling status during breast feeding, countless poopie diaper changes, and projectile spit up occurences.

In no particular order of hotness, the list is as follows:

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1. Keri Russell - Felicity has come a long way since her college love triangles on the WB. Noel and Ben are far and away, and Keri has a whole new triangle with new husband Shane and baby River. If Keri cuts all her hair off again like she did on Felicity, River said he'll stop breast feeding.

2. Reese Witherspoon - She divorced Ryan Phillipe's cheating ass, lost weight, got bangs, and stole my man Jake Gyllenhaal. She has an Oscar under her shrinking belt, adorable kids Ava and Deacon, and Jake to come home to every night...Reese, you are the wind beneath my wings.

3. Gwyneth Paltrow - It's difficult to be a Mom to fruit and a biblical prophet, but Gwyneth still has that new mom glow when she's out with daughter Apple and baby boy Moses...and she's looking pretty Shazam! as the new Iron Man heroine Pepper Potts. Gold thing hubby Chris Martin balances her hotness with his Coldplay.

4. Gwen Stefani - Gwen rocks hard as a mom, even more than she does in concert. Her marriage to Bush frontman Gavin Rossdale is strong as a rock, not to mention her post pardum rock hard abs after having baby Kingston. Gwen's pregnant again, but she'll be back to her old physique in no time, no doubt.

5. Kate Hudson - She won't cut her kid's hair, but we'll forgive her because we love Kate and all her bohemian goodness. Whether she's canoodling with ex Owen Wilson, a shirtless Matt McConaughey, or her hippie ex Chris Robinson, she's just as hot as mom Goldie Hawn...maybe even a touch hotter.

Honorable mentions: Jennifer Garner (when she puts some effort into it) and Kate Beckinsale (so hot it kinda pisses me off). Jennifer Lopez who just had twins might have made my list...if she'd only come out of hiding.

Not so hot moms : Tori Spelling and Britney Spears...I don't think explanations are necessary.

Happy Mother's Day, and on a personal note I think all of you Moms out there are absolutely beautiful...except Tori and Brit.

*Keepin' it motherly,

sammy

Hot Mom-To-Be.

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In my haste to celebrate hot moms in the city yesterday, I forgot to acknowledge one hot mom-to-be by the name of Jessica Alba. From showing off her assless chaps in Sin City to diving with the sharks Into the Blue, our girl Jessica is already described as a MILF by young Hollywood's roster of six pack abbed actors.

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I've heard Jessica's baby is so beautiful, he/she has already shot a Baby Gap ad campaign from inside the womb.
I wonder how many kids she and fiance Cash Warren plan on having. I'm betting they're going for a fantastic four. Let's just hope her delivery fares better than Good Luck Chuck did at the box office.

Happy Mother's-To-Be-Day Jess.

*Keepin' it complimentary,

sammy

Lindsay Betty.

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It's been confirmed. Set your Tivos for May 22nd because the mistress of mayhem Lindsay Lohan is signed on to appear on the ABC hit prime time show Ugly Betty for six episodes as a blast from Betty Suarez's Mean Girl past. This isn't Lindsay's first foray onto the small screen, she made a few choice appearances on that 70's show way back when she had the fever for the flavor of Fez played by ex boytoy Wilmer Valderrama.

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Contrary to popular belief, it's been reported that Lindsay was an absolute delight to work with on the Ugly Betty set. She only kneed a Production Assistant in the groin once while she was there (for getting her a regular Red Bull instead of sugar free), and only kept the director and crew waiting for an average of 7 hours rather than her usual 33.

It's a step in the right direction. Linds has been lost for awhile, and is slowly but surely getting her life back on track one sober day at a time. Hopefully hanging with the Suarez family on the Betty set will be just the good, wholesome family influence she needs. I wouldn't be surprised if by the end of the year she makes a complete 180 and ends up trading in her Gucci duds for Betty's Guadalajara poncho. It would still be a better choice than I Know Who Killed Me.

*Keepin' it pretty,

sammy

Five steps to becoming a Foxy Cleopatra and a whole lotta woman...

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1. Download some foxy 70's playlists from itunes. Install a disco ball in your living room. Do the hustle or the jive and invite the neighbors over for your very own black panther party.

2. Spend a weekend having some royales with cheese with Samuel L. Jackson to perfect your big, bad mother f**ker persona.

3. Grow out your fro. At times you might feel a bit clownish, but get over it. It's foxy. Plus, you don't have to carry a purse. Feel free to stash stuff in your fro, like lipgloss, cocoa butter, or a 44 magnum.

4. Whenever something strikes your fancy yell out Sha-zam! like you mean it. It'll catch on.

5. Get yourself a denim jumpsuit, some go go boots, and someone to pimp your ride.

If you don't think you can master these five easy steps for summer, no need to be embarrassed. You just can't handle the fox.

Sha-zam!

sammy


Kirsten Dunst isn't letting her blondie burdens get her down, she is now the new face of Miu Miu's Spring/Summer 2008 ad campaign and is looking pretty fab showing off their sleek specs and bottomless handbags.

She's had a tough few years what with being booed at Cannes for her portrayal of teenage royal Marie Antoinette and checking herself into Cirque Lodge in Utah for some long needed rehab following in the footsteps of fellow former teen queens Mary-Kate Olsen, Selma Blair, and Lindsay Lo.

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Don't sweat it Kiki, It's a Hollywood it girl rite of passage. Now you can say "Been there, done that, got my chip, back the hell off". She seems to be healing well all else considering, showing off her new mani in Uma Thurman Pulp Fiction fashion..although she is looking a weensy bit pale and goth for my taste. Revisiting her vampire child Interview with a Vampire days no doubt...back when we all thought Tom Cruise was straight. Ahhh the memories. Work those jazz hands Kirsten...

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Keepin' up with Kirsten,

sammy

Summer lovin'.

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Summer lovin', had me a blast...
Summer lovin', my Neiman's credit card I maxed...
I bought a sundress, cute as can be
Some Prada wedges, now the look's complete.
Summer fun, something's begun
but ah oh those summer nights.

Oh well-a, well-a, well-a, uh!

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Tell me more,

*sammy


Obsession confession.

I have an obsession with shoes I can't walk in.

Call me an overachiever, or just a plain dumbass...Ever since I set my sights on marrying the Karate Kid, I've loved a challenge, which is why I'm setting my sights on Steve Madden's Champyun Sandals. I'll be feeling like Flo Jo if I can make it through one full day in these kicks without busting my patellas.

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I didn't have much luck with my last Olympic challenge, but I'll keep on fighting 'til the end...

Once the leg brace comes off, these babies are mine.

No time for losers, 'cause we are the champyuns...of the shoes.

*sammy

Teen beat.

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You don't have to be a teenager to dress like one...that is, if you're under sixty. Sorry Mammer (I used to have a friend who called her grandma Mammer...it made me laugh).

Cardinal rule in wearing clothing meant for teenagers-

1. As long as your boob and/or hiney isn't hanging out, you're fine.
2. Be wary of message tees. You don't want to be a thirtysomething prancing around town in a T-shirt advertising that you pooped at the mall today. That's just poor form.

Take a look at this cuter than a kewpie doll Jennifer Dress from dELiA*s.

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It's tropical chic, age appropriate, and at $39.50, you won't have to blow your entire allowance on it.

p.s. Next time you hit the ladies room at the mall, keep it to yourself Mammer.

*Keepin' it PG-13,

sammy

Under cover.

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It happens to us all.

We go to the beach and jump into the ocean. We emerge from the waves, thinking we're the Birth of Venus and then some. We head back to our towels, shaking the saltwater out of our hair with more slow motion sensuality than Bo Derek in 10. Not once does it ever occur to us that our bikini bottoms are shamelessly sagging, showing more crack than that alleged Amy Winehouse video.

Beach tip: We could all use a little coverup, and I'm not just talking concealer. Go from sun, sand, and surf to mojito's on South Beach with some beach coverups caliente from JCrew.

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Even though you're covering up your bikini, the guys'll still be drooling. Disregard the dudes in the speedos.


I heart earth.

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I've noticed a trend in stores lately that makes me happier than Charlie Bucket after he snagged that last Golden Ticket to hang with Willy Wonka. Everyone and their mother is offering recyclable bags and totes this season. Designers have finally gotten an earth conscious clue and are showing the world recyclable bags are good and trendy enough to wear outside of the grocery store. It's like you aren't cool if you don't have one. That double negative makes a positive in my book.

I'm loving this cute, fun, 100% renewable resource AE Burlap Love Tote from American Eagle Outfitters. It's $19.50, eco friendly, and roomy enough to tote around all your stuff. Fill it with sandcastle making supplies and spf 30 for your next beach trip, goodies from your next shopping spree, or better yet- use it to drop off some plastic bottles at the nearest recycling station. My favorite part? It features a double sided LOVE screenprint that totally fills me with warm fuzzies.

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Both Oliver Twist and the Black Eyed Peas have pondered where is the love? in song. I say, it's in this tote.

*Keepin' the earth healthy,

sammy

Rock the vote.

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I'm not usually one to publicize my political affiliations, but when I noticed this new wave in fashion tees...I just couldn't resist.

Whether you want to Barack and roll all night and party every day, or you believe the Hills are alive with the sound of Clinton...get it off your chest (or in this case on your chest) with these cooler than congress democratic presidential tees.

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The Presidential race is on. Knowing a thing or two about the candidates is sexy. I for one get hot and bothered at the slightest mention of the word superdelegates. So be proud and show the world what team you're on. You wore those dumb Team Aniston/Team Jolie shirts when Jen and Brad first broke up didn't you?

And don't think I'm being biased here...For all the Republicans in the house with McCain on the membrane...here's a shirt offering some right wing McLovin'.

and if you're still undecided...

*Keepin' it patriotic,

uncle sammy

What a waist.

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High waisted shorts.

You either love 'em or you hate 'em. I personally hate 'em...but I have a pair of hips worthy of giving birth to the Brady Bunch and the Partridge Family brood combined.

High-waisted jeans were showing up on Hollywood starlets like crazy last season begging the question - is this style really flattering? Or is it just a camel-toe no-no? The question remains now that shorter versions are coming out to play.

In my humble opinion, if you're a skinny minnie and can rock 'em like there's no tomorrow, go right ahead. Fashion is about taking risks, isn't it? As long as you aren't risking a trip to the psych ward.

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As for me, come hell or high-waisted, I will not be sporting any high-waisted shorts or pants this season...or any season for that matter. Some trends just aren't for you. Trust your inner voice that says "people will make fun of me" because odds are if you think they will, girlfriend...they totally will. Plus, there's a mighty fine chance you'll end up in Glamour magazine's Don't list with that pesky black bar across your face, documenting your lapse in judgment for all eternity.

Now if you'll excuse me, I must get back to a spring kickball game with Greg, Marcia, Peter, Jan, Bobby, and Cindy. We're playing the Huxtable kids, and Rudy's got mad hand-eye-foot coordination.

*Keepin' them hip slung,

sammy

See me in my office.

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Work attire. You want to be business chic, but you also want to be comfy...and as the weather heats up, those wool pencil skirts and wide-legged trousers aren't gonna cut it. You also want to be stylish...you don't want your colleagues mistaking you for Angela or Meredith from The Office.

Here's a little trick for all you working girls out there. Ouch. That came out wrong. This tip isn't for ladies of the night. You ladies rock your hotpants and leopard prints just fine. Take two. Here's a little trick for all you corporate girls out there. Invest in adding a light, sweet, breathable jacket to your wardrobe. You can throw it on top of a more revealing minidress (normally reserved for weekend clubbing) and voilà! You're in business.

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Take this Larissa Cotton Jacket from BCBG. It's the perfect neutral so it'll go with everything, it has a flattering adjustable belt, and you might even be able to get away with pairing it with a tank and your darkest denim jeans...at the very least when casual friday rolls around. Meredith...you saucy minx you.

p.s. It's on sale from $258 to $129. Add those savings to your 401K.

*Keepin' it business casual,

sammy

The Wizard of Coach.

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Somewhere over the rainbow...
way up high.
There's a Coach bag that I'm craving
once in a Lotto Buy...

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I don't think we're in Kansas anymore Toto. A wicker basket as a handbag just won't do. Forget there's no place like home, there's no place like Coach. I'm going to click my heels together and wish for Glinda the good witch to get me this Hamptons Weekend Stripe Tote. It's cool, it's classic, it's Coachtastic...and it's $248, so go ride around in Aunt Em's bag Toto...leave mine alone.

If I only had a brain, I would've asked Glinda for the matching wristlet.

*Keepin' it in Coach check,

sammy

Ring around the Rosy.

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Sally sells seashells by the seashore...but she keeps these fab rings to herself. Sally isn't stupid.

During the summer you don't need many accessories. One cool, understated piece will do it, and you can't get any cooler than a piece of bling that looks like something you found at the bottom of the ocean. Score this Shoreline ring from Free People for your next moonlit beach walk.

Sally's sweet pink calcite ring is made of sterling silver and 14 carat gold. Slipping one on my finger would make me happy as a clam, and since the sizes and shapes of the stones are all different, each ring is totally unique. It better be for $548 bucks.

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Now say toy boat ten times.

*Keepin' the tongue twisters alive,

sammy

CapriWho?

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Who can turn the world on with her smile?
Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Caprilee can!

A lot of my loyal blog readers have asked me time and time again: "Sammy, who is this Caprilee, and what should I ask her?"

My answer- Caprilee is everything you want her to be. She's your best friend. You're loyal neighbor. She's Mrs. Roper from Three's Company. Your Mom when she's not asking if you're wearing clean underwear. You're favorite celebrity. The celebrity you love to make fun of. All three Charlie's Angels. Then and now. In short, there is a little bit of Caprilee in all of us my dear subscribers. Ask what you will, she will answer.

Want to know if spanx are still in? Ask Caprilee.

Want to know what to wear on your first date with that hottie Director of Packaging? Ask Caprilee.

Want to know if shoulder pads are back or whack? Ask Caprilee.

So do a twirly whirly, throw your hat in the air, and fire away. Caprilee is making the world a better place...one fashion question at a time.

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*We're gonna make it after all.

You say, that we have nothing in common...and I said, what about Breakfast at Tiffany's?

You, me, and the band Deep Blue Something have a lot more in common than being obsessed with the cinematic classic Breakfast at Tiffany's. We also love our shades. I've got news for you my Huckleberry friend. Now we can shop for both of our obsessions at one place.

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That's right divas, fashionistas, and cats with no name...if you didn't already know, Tiffany & Co. now offers an extravagant line of high class eyewear to compliment all that bling. Summon style icon Audrey Hepburn as Miss Holly Golightly while sporting the sleekest shades on earth, standing on Fifth Avenue in front of that famed Tiffany window eating a danish out of a bag. Somebody cue Moon River.

My favorite? Easy. The Tiffany Voile Rimless at $430. Gotta have those Swarovski crystal embellishments.

The only problem? They won't fit in that signature robin's egg blue blox.

Flat is back.

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As we know, I am a wedge-aholic, willing to risk numerous trips and spills all in the name of fashion. I usually grimace at the mere mention of the word flat. It conjures up memories of having baloney sandwiches thrown at me while being called Fanny Flat-chest by big fat 8th grade meanies...but, there are rare occasions when a flat finds it's way into my heart and I'm willing to sacrifice height for hype. That's why God created stepladders.

Besides making my podiatrist happy, these Steve Madden Copula flats are so adorable, I think you should only be allowed to wear them if you're simultaneously licking an ice cream cone. Something in a sorbet.
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They're on sale for $39.95 from $59.95, which means I might have to buy two. Maybe I'll wear a different one on each foot and double fist a strawberry and pistacchio cone. Doubling my pleasure, doubling my fun.

My Copula runneth over.

Little woman walking.

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Dear Caprilee,

I like wearing capris, but I've heard you shouldn't wear them if you're short. What is your stance on capris for smaller women?

Signed,
5'1 and done growing

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Dear 5'1 and done growing,

First, thanks for being my very first fashion advice guinea pig. I printed out your question with pride and have put it up on my corkboard next to the first dollar I ever earned scooping ice cream at Häagen Dazs. I digress...capris. I love capris, in fact my Mom did too. It ain't no coincidence my name is Capri-lee after all.

Don't listen to the masses, go ahead and wear 'em. Like my man Nelly says "It's getting hot in herre", so instead of taking off all your clothes, take off all the long pants. Short pants are essential for summer, no matter how much of a shorty you are. Carrie Bradshaw was tiny, and wearing capris never stopped her from having all that sex in the city (which opens tonight by the way- I know, shameless plug). My advice, stick to capris that hit right at the knee...and wedges will always make you look taller.

Hope this helps....and in the meantime, some Flintstone vitamins might help you out an inch or two...they have ten million strong and growing.

At your service,

Caprilee

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Samara Sanchez

About Sammy

Sammy Sanchez is a Miami based freelance writer, greeting card designer, and self-professed USWeeklyholic. Sammy loves tall coffee light frappuccinos, vino not from a box, and Mark Ruffalo...not necessarily in that order.
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