Today is my birthday.

Do I have plans to have a big Birthday bash at some hot LA or New York city nightclub with party favors and goodie bags? No. Do I have half a dozen outfits to choose from, sent by Zac Posen, Marc Jacobs and Derek Lim to insure I look like the birthday princess that I am? No. Am I wearing a party hat?...No.

In actuality, I'm sitting at my desk at work, wearing a dress from the Gap (at least it's from the new European collection), my only companion, one of those fake dogs that breathe while they sleep. We've bonded, my fake dog and I. I pet her from time to time and have named her Millie. I've arranged a visit to my therapist next week.

So...since I cannot treat myself to a shopping spree, I'm going to treat myself to a virtual one, and you...my fine readers, you are welcome to join me for the ride.

First stop, Gucci for some shades to cover up any new wrinkles I might have accrued in the past year. Second stop, Anthropologie for a vintage dress and some finger ring bling because I'm old and...I uh, really like rings. Third stop, a Juicy tote to tie it all together.

Whew. Virtual pretend shopping is tiring. I'm going to take a little nap at my desk and dream I'm wearing my entire birthday suit. Don't tell my boss.

They say it's my birthday. I'm gonna have a good time.