I was pulled over for speeding yesterday.

I received a citation from an overweight traffic cop who needed a uniform two sizes larger than the one he had on, some moisturizer, and the affections of a woman besides his mother.

All day and night I've been contemplating strategies that might have gotten me out of this ticket. Perhaps the "I smell bacon" comment wasn't the way to go...and I have a sneaking suspicion my playing keep away with his handcuffs while chanting "Hey Copper Copper Copper, s-wing Copper" didn't help my case either.

Here are the things I should'a, would'a, could'a said and done...It's too late for me, but they still may help you.

1. Flirty: "You had me at pull over" [wink].

2. Bargaining: "Give me a warning and I'll be your date at the next Policeman's Ball".

3. Denial/Flattery: "I couldn't have been going that fast, your radar gun must have been measuring my accelerated heartbeat after seeing your hot manly bod".

4. Dishonesty: "My water just broke".

5. Threatening: "I know what you did last summer."

6. Reverse psychology: "I wasn't going that fast Officer, I was going at least 20 miles faster".

7. Wounded: "You really hurt my feelings".

8. Suggestive: "The only crime I'm guilty of, is love in the first degree" [wink].

9. Name Drop: "Do you know who I am? I write this very popular style blog..."

10. I could have revealed my bad cop Halloween costume early...

At least there was no Click It or Ticket violation. If there had been, I might have tasered him.

**Check out more stylishly fun Halloween costumes from ShinDigZ by Stumps!