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I've always been addicted to lipgloss. Lip Venom has been my poison for the past few years and I'm oddly obsessed with having the sweet sheen of a properly glossed pucker 24-7. Usually I'm totally up for experimenting with new shades and flavors, but after a weekend trip to Sephora I've been wondering... what happened to the days when lip gloss was just lip gloss? A little swipe of Chapstick or a dab of Rosebud Salve and we were all good to go, weren't we?

Apparently, Bonne Belle Cherry Lip Smackers are as over as hot pink hair scrunchies. The ladies of today crave more climactic results from their lip glosses, which is exactly what they get with Urban Decay's new Pocket Rocket Lip Gloss.

pocket rocket lipgloss.JPG
Sure, these flat tubes are conveniently packaged so they fit easily into your back pocket and contain Hyaluronic Spheres that are known to improve cellular function, prevent dehydration, and fill in lines and wrinkles, but come on now. Is it just me or is the shape suggestive of that other kind of pocket rocket found in many a single lady's goodie drawer? And if that isn't NC-17 rated enough, the tubes feature photos of man candy in every flavor. From Emo James to straight-laced Timothy, Hip Hop dancing Doug and Single Dad Julio, every boy next door is ripe for the puckering. And, when you tilt the tube they all strip down to their undies with front and rear view angles showing off both sets of sweet cheeks.

pocket rocket urban decay.jpg

Lip gloss and a Chippendales show? Now that's pocket rocket science. Oh, and if you rub it (the tube girls, the tube) you release powerful pheromones into the air (those chemical signals that are undetectable by smell, but totally enhance mood and sexual attraction). So don't be alarmed if the busboy from dinner follows you and Julio home.

Eight naked dudes, uh, I mean shades for $19 each at Sephora.

And we have lift off.


Comments (2)

Anonymous:

You’re kidding me. What a fancy product! But I guess that’s why it’s almost $20/tube.

Mickey :

Gotta love this post!

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Samara Sanchez

About Sammy

Sammy Sanchez is a Miami based freelance writer, greeting card designer, and self-professed USWeeklyholic. Sammy loves tall coffee light frappuccinos, vino not from a box, and Mark Ruffalo...not necessarily in that order.
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