I have never shown my face at any retail facility on Black Friday. I always imagined that Black Friday Shoppers belonged to some kind of underground cult, a collection of sado-masochistic, mosh pit slamming shoppers who were actually seeking physical pain more than a good deal on a new flatscreen TV.
This year, on the day after Thanksgiving, I am considering facing my fears head on... but if I do, I will have to follow some rules.
If you are venturing out into the mall mayhem for the first time this Friday, like me, keep these regulations in mind.
The 1st rule of Black Friday Fight Club is, you do not talk about Black Friday Fight Club.
The 2nd rule of Black Friday Fight Club is, you DO NOT talk about Black Friday Fight Club.
3rd RULE: If someone says "stop", goes limp, taps out or cries "for the love of god, you can have it", the fight is over.
4th RULE: Two shoppers to a fight.
5th RULE: One fight at a time.
6th RULE: No using stiletto shoes as weapons.
7th RULE: Fights will go on as long as they have to.
8th RULE: If this is your first time at Black Friday Fight Club, you HAVE to fight.
May the best shopper win.