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Another Fashion Week season has come and gone, and I'm beginning to feel like a model Fashion Week attendee. It took awhile, but I diligently observed, listened and learned the ways of the week from the ground up. And now, I would like to share my pearls of wisdom with you.

Here are a few no-nos I've picked up along the way that should smooth the experience for first time Fashion Week virgins while hopefully ending the cycle of crimes committed by repeat Fashion Week offenders.

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Photos courtesy of MBFW

10. Don't get there too early. Shows run late and you will look too eager. If the show starts at 8, don't get there at 7. If you have a seating assignment, you should be fine arriving between 7:45 and 8.

9. Don't be too late. Shows need to start at least half past the hour. If the show starts at 8, don't show up at 8:35 then pitch a fit because some commoner has been given your front row seat.

8. Don't talk smack about anyone involved with the show, albeit a designer/model/celebrity, etc. You never know who is sitting next to you and who they are related to. Great Aunt Flo didn't come all the way from Alabama to hear her niece get trashed by the likes of you.

7. Don't be nasty to any chick wearing a headset. These are the queens of PR. They have the power and you do not. Accept it. Move on. Compliment their outfit.

6. Consequently, don't lie and say you're on the list when you know very well that you are not. The headsets that the goddesses of PR are wearing also contain hidden polygraph technology, so they will always know when you are a liar liar pants on fire.

5. Don't walk on the white runway after the plastic has been taken off. It is not for civilian feet to step on. It is for model feet only, and everyone knows that model feel are cleaner, prettier and more sacred than non-model feet.

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4. Don't pick your nose, your thong wedgie, floss, tweak your nipples or perform any other equally gross personal grooming ritual while in the tent. There are cameras everywhere. You might get captured in the background applying deoderant while the cameramen get their shots of the big name celebrity sitting in front of you. Also, the photographers will make fun of you and email the incriminating photos of you to their friends.

3. Don't get drunk. Being sloppy drunk is never chic.

2. Don't steal the schwag. Especially front row schwag. Yes, gift bags are cool, but is it really worth looking all stupid and shady just to swipe a bag with some facial cream and a salon coupon in it? No, it's not. You will look like a douche and the gift bag gods of karma will get you back by making you forget your "real bag" in the bathroom.

1. Don't ridicule the walks, bodies, or figure flaws of the models walking down the runway. You try walking the walk in a freezing tent with hundreds of eyes on you while half naked.

I triple dog dare you.

Comments (5)

Carly:

No. 4 is the best!

skye:

these are to funny

Diana:

Is that Whitney port? Cool!

sammy:

hi diana,

yes, that is whitney port sitting front row at the mara hoffman show. isn't she lovely?

*s

Pammy:

I like a good Whitney port with some applewood smoked cheddar and some sliced pears.

Seriously, how do they get the tent FREEZING in Miami!? I am no fashion maven but this July I would have been happy to have been on "the list" just so I could go SOMEPLACE freezing cold.

My husband and I went out for sushi last week and joked about asking to sit IN the sushi bar. Not at it. IN IT!

(grumble grumble grumble) it's hot :^(

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Samara Sanchez

About Sammy

Sammy Sanchez is a Miami based freelance writer, greeting card designer, and self-professed USWeeklyholic. Sammy loves tall coffee light frappuccinos, vino not from a box, and Mark Ruffalo...not necessarily in that order.
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