So, the thing about shopping for wedding dresses is, it's hard. Really hard, SAT Physics portion hard, especially when you tell the bridal shop consultant that your big day is less than six months away and her eyes immediately dart down to your belly to see if you have the beginnings of a baby bump concealed under your maxi dress, which for the record, I do not.
"Is there something we need to know?", she asks, peering over her pink wire framed glasses while scribbling furiously on the back of the registration forms she just forced me to fill out.***
"Uh, no poofy ballgowns".
Here's the thing. In theory, bridal dress shopping should be fun, but once you actually get your booty in front of a bridal salon's three way mirror, it's a whole 'nother story.
One - It's confusing. From deciding on the fabric to the necklines, the silhouette to the train length, all of a sudden even the calmest, coolest and most collected of brides may find herself overwhelmed, treading water in a sea of charmeuse, tulle and organza. And no matter how many times you plead with the chick, she will always insist on plopping a Princess Di length veil on your head and bringing you the poofy ball gown that you begged her not to bring.
Two - It's pressure. This dress will be photographed, get tagged on Facebook, and talked about more than any other piece of clothing worn in your lifetime. It better be good. After a few lectures from the bridal salon squad, I'm also feeling the pressure to pick something asap because of the time it takes for gown orders to be placed, fittings, alterations, steamings, etc.
They say that when you try "the one", you'll know it, but in my case last weekend, "the one" was more than triple my budget. Which makes me wonder, is there such a thing as "the one"? Is there only "one" perfect soulmate of a dress reserved per bride in the holy union universe? What if I purchased a dress that I thought was "the one", but there was another dress waiting for me at another store that would totally one up "the one"? And I'd never know it, because I had already settled on what I thought was "the one". I guess it's a leap of faith. Just like finding Mr. Right and trusting that he's "the one".
To me "the one" in gown regard would be a lace Vera Wang floor length sheath delivered to my doorstep in a giant gift-wrapped box with a note from Vera saying "Dear Sammy, I designed this dress especially for you. ps Love your blog".
Nevertheless, I'm giving it another go this weekend, so wish me luck. And if by any chance you happen to be reading this Vera, I'm a size 2.
*** Since when do people have to fill out registration forms to try on a dress?