Baby Mama Drama Archives

US Weekly recently reported that Supermodel Gisele Bündchen is expecting a bouncing baby bündchen with quarterback hubby Tom Brady. Is it just me or is she totally glowing here on the catwalk during Sao Paulo's Fashion Week in Brazil last Wednesday? Pregnancy agrees with you Gisele, you look absolutely luminous...or it could just be your Victoria's Secret Very Sexy Bronzer.

Congrats Gisele! Now you will finally have a baby to call your own. I'm sure he or she will be insanely gorgeous and you'll lose the baby weight faster than Tom left his last Baby Mama.

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It's post-partum perplexing to me when I see pregnant celebrities before and after they've given birth. Lately some celebs are shedding their excess baby weight at alarming rates, before their next red carpet appearance - sometimes within a month's time.

I don't know if it's the access to the teams of personal trainers, the home gymnasiums, the food delivery plans, the nutritionists, the 24-hour mannies, or if they all have Dr. 90210 on speed dial. All I know is that it's cool for them, but not cool for everywoman.

I especially have my eye on you Heidi Klum, strutting your stuff with those giant wings in the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show after dropping 48 pounds in just seven weeks. What are you, some kind of German demigod?

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I admire new mommy Jessica Alba who took her time and shot her 2009 Club Campari calendar five months after giving birth to her baby girl Honor Marie. Jessica has admitted that her special secret was wearing an industrial strength girdle like this Post partum support girdle from Fit Maternity. Thank you Jess, for the tip and for not snapping back in an instant like a human rubber band.

I think there ought to be a new law in the state of California. Celebrities should be forced to keep that baby weight on for at least four months, preferably six or more, that way they don't make the rest of us feel like unmotivated schmucks.

I expect you to get to work on that right away Governor Schwarzenegger.


Happy Monday Let's Talk Stylers, I trust you had a pleasant weekend. I scored myself a pair of free panties from Victoria's Secret, so I'm a happy girl. There are so many things to blog about, I had to throw a bunch of hot topics into a stylish Spring fedora to choose. What did I pull out?

Gisele Bündchen claims Brady baby is hers.

Yay. I wanted to blog about this. Supermodel Gisele Bündchen made some comments in the recent issue of Vanity Fair claiming that even though she didn't give birth to the son of her new hubby Tom Brady, li'l Brady is still 100% hers.

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Okay, I'm all for Gisele embracing and loving her new stepson, but step back. Would the real Brady mommy please stand up, please stand up, please stand up? Actual birthmother Bridget Moynahan wasn't very tickled by the comment. Gisele didn't push li'l John out of her hooha during **twelve hours of labor and still has the slammin' supermodel figure to prove it. I think it's beautiful that you've developed such a strong bond Gisele, but keep those comments near and dear to your heart and away from the press, not where sensitive single mommies can read it.

And if you want to be a good Stepmom to John, leave his name out of the papers....and avoid being photographed looking like the 5th member of Kiss.

**Disclaimer - This is a guesstimation, Bridget hasn't gotten back to me to confirm how many hours she spent in the delivery room, although she is a Let's Talk Style fan and loves Model Posing 101.

All eyes have been on Octuplet Mom Nadya Suleman and a pregnancy that has created media tidal waves. Trumping the Jon & Kate Plus 8 brood by half a dozen, the Suleman Family consists of 14 kids total, which is more children than were in my kindergarten class...and Miss Kostyra had assistants.

Apparently Nadya's true calling has always been birthing babies, but rather than focus on her alternative procreative lifestyle, I'm focusing on dressing those little octos in custom onesies that reflect their various personalities. Noah, Hiya, Jonah, Isaiah, Nariah, Jeremiah, McCai and Josia are already in talks to revive the old television show Eight is Enough...We'll see if they have any acting chops...once they stop teething.

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1. This I'm Kind of A Big Deal onesie is pretty modest. You're not kind of a big deal babies, you're totally a big deal.

2. "Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum, What might be right for you, may not be right for some. But they got, Diff'rent Strokes. It takes, Diff'rent Strokes. It takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world." Every group of tuplets needs a theme song to get them through the day, when they wear this Whatchoo Talkin' 'Bout romper, they'll be proud to know they're not like every other cookie cutter family on the block. Let's just hope they don't turn out like Gary Coleman.

3. After a grueling labor and time in the PICU, a few of the babies realized their future calling. This McBaby uniform may not be a lab coat, but it shows their career plans to one day follow in their doctor's footsteps. Good luck affording medical school kids.

4. With seven brothers and sisters to share feeding time with, the octuplets need to be thankful for any available boob time they get. This Thanks for the Mammaries onesie shows how much they appreciate their Mom Bessie (oops, I mean Nadya) and her Open 24 Hour milk markets.

5. Listen up all my Marley loving brothers and sisters - One Love! One Heart! Let's get together and cry all night.

6. Poop happens a lot more when you have octuplets...eight times more. The Poops, I Did It Again onesie is cute, but not as cute when you have to clean up all that poop.

7. This Nine Months onesie shows that after 9 months of sharing one small padded womb with seven other fetuses, these kids were more than happy to see the light of day after an early parole.

8. Two baby girls, six boys. Once their feet reach the pedals, these little girls will be biking as far away as they can get for some peace and quiet. Until then, wearing a set of these Low Rider onesies will have to do...unless they find older boyfriends who have training wheels.

*Find even more adorable baby and infant clothing from The Retro Baby!

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Why is Ashlee Simpson jumping for joy?

1. She's going to get that slamming figure back.

2. She and hubby Pete Wentz just welcomed their own miniature fall out boy into the world, Bronx Mowgli Wentz (No comment). Bronx weighed in at 7 lbs, 11 oz and was reported to be playing air guitar with his umbilical cord while lip synching to one of Mom's songs during delivery.

Congrats Pete and Ash!! Hope Bronx likes his onesies!

After a decade or so of trying, I'm proud to report that Oscar winning actress and fashion goddess Nicole Kidman gave birth Sunday to a beautiful baby girl named Sunday Rose. I can make many jokes here. In fact, it is physically hurting me not to. But out of respect for Nicole and her Aussie hubby Keith Urban, I shall refrain from making any inappropriate baby name funnies.

I will however, comment that I hope this new crop of celebrity baby girls i.e. Sunday, Harlow, Violet, Shiloh, Apple and Suri don't succumb to the ever present Hollywood pressure to be thin. It must be surreal having mommies that star on the big screen and grace the covers of magazine after magazine. The obsession with perfection might easily rub off on any or all of these posh tots, and they have enough to deal with...with those messed up names alone.

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If Nicole puts Sunday Rose in this Does my Butt Look Big in this Diaper onesie, will it be the first seed in generating a negative body image? Although, technically, her butt would look big if she's wearing this hip Urban Diaper cover. It may look bulky, but it'll keep the baby from leaking in a trendy way when Nicole's cleaning poop six ways to Sunday....Talk about SunDays of Thunder.

Sorry, I couldn't help it.


No more denying it. Ashlee Simpson is indeed knocked up...Gotta hand it to her, she looks pretty smashing knocked up and knocked out. I had a feeling way back when...

In honor of the little fall out boy or fall out girl on the way, I've compiled a few choice onesies with a little help from The Retro Baby. With dedicated fashion followers Ash and Pete Wentz as parents, this kid had better represent.


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Keep your baby stylin' with these celeb worthy retro duds for only $17.95. I'm also digging the I like to hit the Bottle onesie. Let's hope this baby doesn't end up in rehab twenty years from now.

You gotta wonder if big sis/soon-to-be Auntie Jessica and her quarterback beau Tony Romo are far behind...Never fear, I'll be on watch. Let's just hope the new baby gets Pete's nose.

Rock-a-bye baby.

*sammy

Hot Mom-To-Be.

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In my haste to celebrate hot moms in the city yesterday, I forgot to acknowledge one hot mom-to-be by the name of Jessica Alba. From showing off her assless chaps in Sin City to diving with the sharks Into the Blue, our girl Jessica is already described as a MILF by young Hollywood's roster of six pack abbed actors.

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I've heard Jessica's baby is so beautiful, he/she has already shot a Baby Gap ad campaign from inside the womb.
I wonder how many kids she and fiance Cash Warren plan on having. I'm betting they're going for a fantastic four. Let's just hope her delivery fares better than Good Luck Chuck did at the box office.

Happy Mother's-To-Be-Day Jess.

*Keepin' it complimentary,

sammy

In honor of Mother's Day this Sunday, I've decided to induct five celebrity moms into the very prestigious letstalkstyle Hot Mom Hall of Fame. I feel these particular mommies need to be commended for upholding their sizzling status during breast feeding, countless poopie diaper changes, and projectile spit up occurences.

In no particular order of hotness, the list is as follows:

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1. Keri Russell - Felicity has come a long way since her college love triangles on the WB. Noel and Ben are far and away, and Keri has a whole new triangle with new husband Shane and baby River. If Keri cuts all her hair off again like she did on Felicity, River said he'll stop breast feeding.

2. Reese Witherspoon - She divorced Ryan Phillipe's cheating ass, lost weight, got bangs, and stole my man Jake Gyllenhaal. She has an Oscar under her shrinking belt, adorable kids Ava and Deacon, and Jake to come home to every night...Reese, you are the wind beneath my wings.

3. Gwyneth Paltrow - It's difficult to be a Mom to fruit and a biblical prophet, but Gwyneth still has that new mom glow when she's out with daughter Apple and baby boy Moses...and she's looking pretty Shazam! as the new Iron Man heroine Pepper Potts. Gold thing hubby Chris Martin balances her hotness with his Coldplay.

4. Gwen Stefani - Gwen rocks hard as a mom, even more than she does in concert. Her marriage to Bush frontman Gavin Rossdale is strong as a rock, not to mention her post pardum rock hard abs after having baby Kingston. Gwen's pregnant again, but she'll be back to her old physique in no time, no doubt.

5. Kate Hudson - She won't cut her kid's hair, but we'll forgive her because we love Kate and all her bohemian goodness. Whether she's canoodling with ex Owen Wilson, a shirtless Matt McConaughey, or her hippie ex Chris Robinson, she's just as hot as mom Goldie Hawn...maybe even a touch hotter.

Honorable mentions: Jennifer Garner (when she puts some effort into it) and Kate Beckinsale (so hot it kinda pisses me off). Jennifer Lopez who just had twins might have made my list...if she'd only come out of hiding.

Not so hot moms : Tori Spelling and Britney Spears...I don't think explanations are necessary.

Happy Mother's Day, and on a personal note I think all of you Moms out there are absolutely beautiful...except Tori and Brit.

*Keepin' it motherly,

sammy

Baby Papas are every bit as influential as Baby Mamas, so I won’t leave them out in the cold clutching their manly Puffy Combs designer diaper bags. As previously mentioned, Suri may have inherited her mommy’s bangs and delicate bone structure, but she also scored daddy’s 100 watt winning smile, and she’s been witnessed jumping around like a maniac on Oprah’s sofa… that is, when she’s not distributing Scientology pamphlets on Hollywood Boulevard.

Maddox Jolie-Pitt has started his own Fight Club with li’l bro Pax. The only rule of Fight Club- you don’t have time-outs in Fight Club. Ben Affleck and Matt Damon’s hip daughter duo Violet and Isabella have teamed up to pen their first screenplay together. Good Will Burping is expected to hit the festival circuit early next year. I don’t know about you, but I smell an Oscar...or was that baby gas?

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And now for a not- so-positive celebrity papa following. Has anyone seen the hair on Donald Trump’s son’s head? What’s up with that Baron? I appreciate the act of combover solidarity, but that just ain’t cool Melania. This boy’s got money, get him a fauxhawk or dreds like the kid from American Idol. Hey, I wouldn’t even mind a mullet. I recommend that kid’s hairstylist be fired.

*Keepin’ it real.

sammy

It happens to all of us. One minute we’re teenagers cursing our mother’s very existence, the next we’re yelling at people to use a coaster. Let’s face it. We all become our mothers at some point. What I’ve noticed lately is that a new Tinsletown trend has surfaced. Celebrity babies don’t fall far from the tree and are following in their mother’s Prada footsteps before they’re even out of their poopie diapers. Case in point: Suri Cruise not only sports mom Katie’s cool classic bob and Burberry trenches, but she apparently takes night-time canoe trips down the creek to rendezvous with Gwen Stefani’s son Kingston (who I might add has better abs than mom). Pacey will be crushed.

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Shiloh Jolie-Pitt may not share Angelina’s dark, minimal fashion sense just yet, or the abundance of crazy tatts, but she has signed over her trust fund to the World Hunger Association and has reportedly donated all her Webkinz and Hannah Montana dolls to Toys for Tots. You go Shiloh. Like Baby mama, like daughter.

*Keepin’ it real.

sammy

Samara Sanchez

About Sammy

Sammy Sanchez is a Miami based freelance writer, greeting card designer, and self-professed USWeeklyholic. Sammy loves tall coffee light frappuccinos, vino not from a box, and Mark Ruffalo...not necessarily in that order.
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