Pocket Rocket Lipgloss from Urban Decay

I've always been addicted to lipgloss. Lip Venom has been my poison for the past few years and I'm oddly obsessed with having the sweet sheen of a properly glossed pucker 24-7. Usually I'm totally up for experimenting with new shades and flavors, but after a weekend trip to Sephora I've been wondering... what happened to the days when lip gloss was just lip gloss? A little swipe of Chapstick or a dab of Rosebud Salve and we were all good to go, weren't we?

Apparently, Bonne Belle Cherry Lip Smackers are as over as hot pink hair scrunchies. The ladies of today crave more climactic results from their lip glosses, which is exactly what they get with Urban Decay's new Pocket Rocket Lip Gloss.

Sure, these flat tubes are conveniently packaged so they fit easily into your back pocket and contain Hyaluronic Spheres that are known to improve cellular function, prevent dehydration, and fill in lines and wrinkles, but come on now. Is it just me or is the shape suggestive of that other kind of pocket rocket found in many a single lady's goodie drawer? And if that isn't NC-17 rated enough, the tubes feature photos of man candy in every flavor. From Emo James to straight-laced Timothy, Hip Hop dancing Doug and Single Dad Julio, every boy next door is ripe for the puckering. And, when you tilt the tube they all strip down to their undies with front and rear view angles showing off both sets of sweet cheeks.

Lip gloss and a Chippendales show? Now that's pocket rocket science. Oh, and if you rub it (the tube girls, the tube) you release powerful pheromones into the air (those chemical signals that are undetectable by smell, but totally enhance mood and sexual attraction). So don't be alarmed if the busboy from dinner follows you and Julio home.

Eight naked dudes, uh, I mean shades for $19 each at Sephora.

And we have lift off.

Posted by Samara at 08:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Ciao bella.

I was flipping through my new Nylon magazine the other day and I came across a two page spread featuring the new Guess girl, who anyone can tell at first glance is the spitting image of Italian goddess Sophia Loren. The ad was arty...black and white... sophisticated, much like Sophia herself. Very classic, cool. No rants here, like i've had with other weird ass ad campaigns of late.

My mind drifted as I recalled other classic Guess ads, topping the list: the quintessential Anna Nicole Smith campaign that first put her on the map (and in the centerfold of Playboy) before she went cuckoo for cocoa puffs marrying that dude who was older than Moses's grandpappy.

In those ads Anna Nicole was Marilyn Monroe reincarnated. A mixture of old Hollywood glamour, and bad girl sexuality that enticed men and women alike. I started to wonder, is this new Guess girl going to become as famous as Anna Nicole? Will she be famous for resembling Sophia the way Anna resembled Marilyn, or because her beauty stands on it's own? Will she follow the same path ending in a sad, untimely death?

Good tidings to you Guess girl. I hope you have a long career ahead of you with no Guess curses to contend with. A few words of advice- don't marry a man who remembers listening to FDR's Fireside chats, and stay away from Howard Stern...radio talk show Howard is fine.

*Keepin' guessin',

sammy

Posted by Samara at 05:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Don't Read my Lips, Burn Them

I figured it might be good to give some structure to my utter randomness, so this next post will hopefully become a weekly forum to give a shout out to whatever product/ celebrity/accessory is floating my boat. This week, it’s all about the gloss. Yes, I have a rather unhealthy addiction to lip gloss. Without it, I feel naked. More naked than Madonna on the cover of that Sex book hailing a taxi. In fact, there’s been many a time when I leave the house sans other various essentials- wallet…cell phone…bra….but alas, if I have a shiny, pouty pucker, I am complete. Which lip gloss is my poison you ask? DuWop’s Lip Venom.

It's been around since '99, and became an instant cult success prompting dozens of glossy copycats. The first time you put it on, you’d swear you just kissed Flava Flav after he ate a cinnamon flavored candy apple. No lie, the stuff burns, burns, burns in a ring of fire around your mouth. But then you get strangely accustomed to the tingles, and eventually…if your lip gloss doesn’t feel like it’s going to melt your mouth off, it feels like it’s not working. There are additional plumping properties as well, plus it’s fun to kiss your dude with it after he’s pissed you off.

There. The first step is acceptance. Where’s my chip?

*Keepin' it real...
sammy

Posted by Samara at 10:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)