Mother's Day wishes and caviar dreams

I'm not a mother yet, but if I did have a crew of young whippersnappers running around the house I wouldn't expect much on Mother's Day. Just big hugs and little voices exclaiming "I love you Mommy, you're the prettiest, most intelligent, unwrinkly blogger Mommy in the whole world"...

That would certainly be enough.

Perhaps a nice breakfast in bed including a tray of croissants, beignets and imported fig jam would follow. Breakfast in bed and the aforementioned hugs would make my day perfect.

Then tiny hands would pull out from under the bed a big box containing a Madison Patent Sabrina Coach bag with various goodies hidden inside like...

Miss Dior Cherie perfume from Fragrance.Net
Prada Sunglasses from Forzieri
a round trip plane ticket to France,
and a bottle of Absolut Citron, because Mommy needs her sauce.

That would make me feel very loved.

Things to do list:

1. Have kids.
2. Find them high paying jobs.

Posted by Samara at 08:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

From A to B - Find the right bra size for your funbags

I have some good news.

No, the economy isn't back to normal. No, Osama Bin Laden hasn't been captured. And no, there are still starving children in Africa. My good news isn't anywhere near as monumental as any current headline scrolling on the CNN ticker, but it is monumental to me...well, and my boyfriend. Here goes. I am no longer wearing an A cup bra. This news may not thrill any of you, but you haven't heard the whole story from A to B. Here's the breast of it.

Once upon a time there was a girl who had no boobs. Never referred to as top heavy, she was nicknamed "Mosquito Bites" up until her late teens thanks to her concave chest. Never one to complain with what God gave her, Mosquito Bites was always content with her A cup capacity. Sure she would've been happier with an A+, but was still thankful that she wasn't an A- or worse yet, a negative A.

Then on a day like any other day, Mosquito Bites sauntered into a Forever 21 and found a display of attractive Fab Find Convertible Bras hanging on the wall for only $4.50 each. Mosquito grabbed a few 32A's from the racks with a bit of trouble (Mosquito Bites was short), and took them into the dressing room where she quickly tried on her regular size but found it pinched and puckered.

And Mosquito Bites lived happily ever after, without the help of insertable chicken cutlets from Victoria's Secret.

*Okay. I just realized that after reading this my friends, family and co-workers are going to be staring at my chest so they can take in my expansion for themselves. That's fine, but please refrain from calling me Mosquito.

Posted by Samara at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

What a girl wants - Stylish stocking stuffers at every price

Big ticket Christmas items are highly overrated. Anyone can hit Best Buy for the newest iPod or designer laptop, but to me...it's all about the ingenuity that goes into stuffing the perfect Christmas stocking.

Forget the dollhouses, bikes and train sets...when I was a little girl, the first thing I'd tackle on Christmas morning was my overflowing crocheted sock dangling from the banister. I can still remember it...

{Insert Snowflake transition leading to Christmas flashback here}

Red and green yarn woven together harmoniously to create the most festive of holiday prints with a Hello My Name Is tag stuck on it with my name scrawled in by Mom (to differentiate from my brother's identical stocking filled with random Star Wars paraphernalia).

Good things come in little packages (a motto I fully endorse at 5'2 inches tall, wedgeless), therefore I have put together a hodgepodge of stocking stuffers for all of the lady loves in your life. From sistas to girlfriends, crushes to divas, there's something for everyone showcased in Sammy's Stocking Hall of Fame.

1. For the Little Girl at Heart. These Momiji Friendship Dolls are adorably funky desk top accents that bring back the days of pigtails, doll playing and Easy Bake Ovens. They're a little more sophisticated than a gangsta Bratz doll and only $12. Plus, the girl who sits in the cubicle next to your Little Girl will totally wanna swipe it .

2. For the Princess. Vera Wang's Princess Sparkling Creme Perfume for $38 is perfect for the girlie girl on the go. She'll adore this sweet solid perfume that can easily attach to a key chain, purse, or belt loop for easy access. In fact, she'll love it almost as much as she loves her tiara.

3. For the Juicy Glamour Girl. These Juicy Couture Logo Pearl studs will delight any Fashionista who loves flashing around her celebrity brand status. They're a steal for $42, hopefully she won't use them to bling her chihuahua's ears instead.

4. For the Shopaholic. There isn't anything I'd rather find in my stocking that an Anthropologie gift card tucked away in it's own adorable little mitten. I normally don't like being told what to do, but this gift forces me to shut up, shop, and buy myself something pretty. Go ahead, boss me around some more.

5. For the Girl you'll never forget. This delicate silver or gold Forget Me Not Ring from Delight.com serves as a constant reminder of how much you love your giftee while also doubling as a reminder that she needs to pick up a loaf of bread, a container of milk and a stick of butter on the way home from work.

6. For the Ho. You know she's a Ho, she knows she's a Ho and all the playahs in da club know she's a Ho. Give her a gift that celebrates her Ho-manship with a handy Ho on the Go Kit for $25 that comes stocked with a spare pair of panties, 2 condoms, a toothbrush, mini toothpaste and aromatherapy towelette. She'll feel better during her walk of shame knowing you support her free lovin' lifestyle.

May the stocking stuffing begin!

Posted by Samara at 08:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Attention Black Friday shoppers - How to survive shopping on Black Friday

Black Friday is sixty-four hours away and counting. I along with millions of other brave shopaholics will brave the malls and fight to the death in order to acquire gifts for the people we love.

To most, Black Friday is a tradition to look forward to every year. Black Friday virtuosos are probably already outfitted with protective armor, fanny packs, coupons and flame throwers...

If you're a Black Friday virgin attempting your very first excursion, here are a few tips that might keep you alive and kicking.

Ten Tips for surviving Black Friday...

1. Eat first. Enjoy a nutritious meal before you go into battle, you don't want to pass out from lack of sustenance when you have to fight a caravan of soccer moms for the Holy Grail of Christmas gifts.

10. If you do get apprehended by Mall security, feign an epileptic attack.

We'll talk about Shopping the Day after Christmas later...

May the shopping force be with you.

Posted by Samara at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

They say it's my birthday.

Today is my birthday.

Do I have plans to have a big Birthday bash at some hot LA or New York city nightclub with party favors and goodie bags? No. Do I have half a dozen outfits to choose from, sent by Zac Posen, Marc Jacobs and Derek Lim to insure I look like the birthday princess that I am? No. Am I wearing a party hat?...No.

In actuality, I'm sitting at my desk at work, wearing a dress from the Gap (at least it's from the new European collection), my only companion, one of those fake dogs that breathe while they sleep. We've bonded, my fake dog and I. I pet her from time to time and have named her Millie. I've arranged a visit to my therapist next week.

So...since I cannot treat myself to a shopping spree, I'm going to treat myself to a virtual one, and you...my fine readers, you are welcome to join me for the ride.

First stop, Gucci for some shades to cover up any new wrinkles I might have accrued in the past year. Second stop, Anthropologie for a vintage dress and some finger ring bling because I'm old and...I uh, really like rings. Third stop, a Juicy tote to tie it all together.

Whew. Virtual pretend shopping is tiring. I'm going to take a little nap at my desk and dream I'm wearing my entire birthday suit. Don't tell my boss.

They say it's my birthday. I'm gonna have a good time.

Posted by Samara at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Ashlee Simpson is pregnant.

No more denying it. Ashlee Simpson is indeed knocked up...Gotta hand it to her, she looks pretty smashing knocked up and knocked out. I had a feeling way back when...

In honor of the little fall out boy or fall out girl on the way, I've compiled a few choice onesies with a little help from The Retro Baby. With dedicated fashion followers Ash and Pete Wentz as parents, this kid had better represent.

Keep your baby stylin' with these celeb worthy retro duds for only $17.95. I'm also digging the I like to hit the Bottle onesie. Let's hope this baby doesn't end up in rehab twenty years from now.

You gotta wonder if big sis/soon-to-be Auntie Jessica and her quarterback beau Tony Romo are far behind...Never fear, I'll be on watch. Let's just hope the new baby gets Pete's nose.

Rock-a-bye baby.

*sammy

Posted by Samara at 03:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

All things Twiggy.

When you think Mod, one name comes to mind...

No, not your Great Aunt Maude. You think Twiggy.

You know Lesley Hornsby (aka The Twigster) by those gigantic Bambi eyes, that adorable pixie haircut, and those pencil thin twiglike stems. Twiggy is, and always will be the glorious Mistress of Mod. She took the 60's by storm and is regarded as one of the most famous supermodels ever...as well as guest judge on America's Next Top Model (who rocked compared to last season's replacement Paulina Porizkova- in my humble opinion).

Her look evokes innocence, whimsy, Euro cool and has never really gone out of style.

Wanna go Mod this summer and follow in Twiggy's footsteps?

Here are all the essentials you need to complete your Twiggy inspired look. 1. They'll call you Mello Yellow in BB Dakota's Sunshine Dress 2. You can't get any more British Invasion-slash-Factory Girl than this tuxedo inspired Chelsea Girl Dress from Lulu Via 3. And to complete the look- These 4 inch Banana Split heels of course. Throw on one or more of these mod pieces and as Posh Spice/Victoria Beckham would say...you'll be looking pretty "Major".

*Looks found at Modcloth...except for the eyelashes 4. You can score those at Sephora.

1.2.3.
4.

Posted by Samara at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Bathing Suit up

Dear Caprilee,

Sagging bikini bottom girl.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Saggy,

Never fear, Caprilee is here.

Hit American Apparel for bikini separates!

They come wrapped up individually in these cute little plastic baggies in different sizes and colors, so you can mix and match and find the perfect fit for your tatas as well as your cheeky cheeks. They also have pretty funky pieces that are very Saturday Night Fever circa 1977.

If you're sticking with separates, Carabella is also rocking some perfect mix and match swimwear.

As for me, I'll be in the hot child in the monokini sipping mojitos on the beach.

Caprilee

***Any fashion questions? Fire away! Just leave them in a comment and Caprilee promises to get to them...
(although she may be fashionably late).

Posted by Samara at 10:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

California dreaming.

Summer is all about the sundress.

What'll show off your new summer tan (real or fake) better than a white minidress paired with some oversized shades and a sweet bag? Nothing I tell you. Nothing.

I feel like I checked into the Hotel California in this vintage creme dress from American Apparel's new vintage division - California Select.

It's light, airy and cool on even the hottest summer day...and it's cheap...and boys dig me in it. Enough said? And it can totally get you through the seasons if you pair it with a turtleneck and some tights to keep you warm on a winter's day (on a winter's day).

You don't have to live in LA to be California stylin'. Wake up from your California dreaming and log on to Ebay...
and don't forget the SPF.

I wish we all could be California girls...

*sammy

Posted by Samara at 09:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Cheap. Green. Cool.

By now you've probably noticed the coolness factor has increased exponentially at your local Target, featuring creations from esteemed designers like Proenza Schouler, Jovovich-Hawk (Resident Evil star-slash-model-slash-designer Milla Jovovich's line), and the lovely designs of the wispy, ever so ladylike Erin Fetherston.

Guess what? Target just got even cooler.

Rogan Gregory is the newest hot-as-sin artiste designing for Targét's GO International line.

Featuring pieces made from organic cotton at unbelievably low prices, Rogan wants us to look good and feel good about wearing his eco-conscious rags.

My favorites? A toss up between his striped jersey t-shirt (that doubles as a dress for shorties like me), and his crisp linen striped vest. Wait, that yellow leopard print tank is pretty cute too. Oh yeah, the line also features chic swimwear and the most adorable terry cloth hoodies.

The only problem I've found with GO International is that the pieces seem to go too quickly...at least in my size. Rogan's line is there until June 28th. So wake up before they're gone gone.

I wonder if LC picked up some pieces after she loaded up on Reeses Pieces from the candy aisle.

Keepin' it on target,

*sammy

Posted by Samara at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Camp, there it is.

I've always associated camp with two things...1. Bug bites. 2. The films of Jon Waters.

Now I'm feeling a whole 'nother kind of camp variety. Camptown ladies sing dis song (doo-dah, doo-dah)...
Hit the Camp Gorgeous beauty event at Neiman Marcus in stores until June 14th (online until the 16th). Score a sassy pink NM exclusive camouflage tote filled with deluxe makeup samples from Dior, Frederic Fekkai and more. Free with any purchase over $85.

I'd risk having my bed short-sheeted for this camp getaway. Come to think of it, this post is pretty campy.

Oh, de doo-dah day.

Posted by Samara at 09:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Breakfast at Tiffany's.

You say, that we have nothing in common...and I said, what about Breakfast at Tiffany's?

You, me, and the band Deep Blue Something have a lot more in common than being obsessed with the cinematic classic Breakfast at Tiffany's. We also love our shades. I've got news for you my Huckleberry friend. Now we can shop for both of our obsessions at one place.

That's right divas, fashionistas, and cats with no name...if you didn't already know, Tiffany & Co. now offers an extravagant line of high class eyewear to compliment all that bling. Summon style icon Audrey Hepburn as Miss Holly Golightly while sporting the sleekest shades on earth, standing on Fifth Avenue in front of that famed Tiffany window eating a danish out of a bag. Somebody cue Moon River.

My favorite? Easy. The Tiffany Voile Rimless at $430. Gotta have those Swarovski crystal embellishments.

The only problem? They won't fit in that signature robin's egg blue blox.

Posted by Samara at 08:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Teen beat.

You don't have to be a teenager to dress like one...that is, if you're under sixty. Sorry Mammer (I used to have a friend who called her grandma Mammer...it made me laugh).

Cardinal rule in wearing clothing meant for teenagers-

1. As long as your boob and/or hiney isn't hanging out, you're fine.
2. Be wary of message tees. You don't want to be a thirtysomething prancing around town in a T-shirt advertising that you pooped at the mall today. That's just poor form.

Take a look at this cuter than a kewpie doll Jennifer Dress from dELiA*s.

It's tropical chic, age appropriate, and at $39.50, you won't have to blow your entire allowance on it.

p.s. Next time you hit the ladies room at the mall, keep it to yourself Mammer.

*Keepin' it PG-13,

sammy

Posted by Samara at 05:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

We are the Champyuns, my friends.

Obsession confession.

I have an obsession with shoes I can't walk in.

Call me an overachiever, or just a plain dumbass...Ever since I set my sights on marrying the Karate Kid, I've loved a challenge, which is why I'm setting my sights on Steve Madden's Champyun Sandals. I'll be feeling like Flo Jo if I can make it through one full day in these kicks without busting my patellas.

I didn't have much luck with my last Olympic challenge, but I'll keep on fighting 'til the end...

Once the leg brace comes off, these babies are mine.

No time for losers, 'cause we are the champyuns...of the shoes.

*sammy

Posted by Samara at 05:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Summer lovin'.

Summer lovin', had me a blast...
Summer lovin', my Neiman's credit card I maxed...
I bought a sundress, cute as can be
Some Prada wedges, now the look's complete.
Summer fun, something's begun
but ah oh those summer nights.

Oh well-a, well-a, well-a, uh!

Tell me more,

*sammy

Posted by Samara at 05:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Bite Me.

It's official. I've been bitten by the Bitten bug.

If you didn't already know, fashion icon Sarah Jessica Parker has her own line of apparel sold exclusively at Steve & Barry's stores nationwide. The line is aptly named Bitten...I know what you must be thinking: big ass flower pins, vintage frocks, miles of Manolo Blahniks, gold nameplates, newsboy caps...a fusion of whimsical eclectic, neo-bohemian, and princess couture. You're wrong.

The key looks are comprised of American classics- smart, comfortable staples that are wearable, and made for chicks of all ages, shapes, and sizes...and I went and saved the best for last- Bitten won't break your bank. In fact, every piece in the line is priced at $19.98 and less. If you don't believe me, check out this Mercer two button vest for $8.98. That's a deal that's good enough to eat.

Sarah Jessica says, "Fashion is not a luxury, it's a right." True dat Sarah. It's our inalienable right. I think we need another amendment to the Constitution...the right to bear cool, cheap duds. I'll write to my Congressman.

I've bitten off more than I could chew.

* sammy.

Posted by Samara at 07:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Gone with the Cami.

Spring is almost here, and nothing says Spring more than camis and capris...except maybe ladybugs and daffodils.

Score the franky cami from JCrew before they're all gone with the wind. You can layer it, or wear it as is...plus it comes in other fun colors like sour lemon and fresh clover. It was $58, but i'll give it to you for $39.99...because you look hot today.

If it's not your style, that's cool. Franky cami, I don't give a damn.

*Keepin' it thrifty,

sammy

Posted by Samara at 09:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Art for Dress's Sake.

Because sometimes, you just want a dress that's easy like Sunday morning...

This simply sweet Matte Jersey Dress by BCBG will make you feel like you just walked off the wall of the MOMA. Put it on and paint the town fantastic. Hopefully you won't be accosted by tortured artists with one ear.

Plus, you can afford it on a starving artist income...well, as long as you don't eat for a week.

*Keepin' it arty.

sammy

Posted by Samara at 10:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The Bag ate my Posh.

Want me to tell you what I want, what I really really want?
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want...

I really want to understand this new Marc Jacobs Spring/Summer ad campaign.

This has been a hot topic amongst fashion bloggers everywhere, so I figured I should jump on the Beckham Bandwagon. Yes, for those of you who don't already know, that is in essence, Victoria Beckham spread eagle in a shopping bag. Thank goodness there are no accompanying aerial views advertising Vic's biznass. Usually I adore photographer Juergen Teller's artistically fab Jacobs ads featuring the likes Sofia Coppola, our favorite shoplifter Winona Ryder, and even tween sensation Dakota Fanning looking like a prepubescent silent film star. But this? I just don't get. Am I supposed to shop at Marc Jacobs because their shopping bags eat oversaturated, semi-talented nineties girl-band members-slash-style icons? Or am I supposed to shop there because they sell Poshes with little propellers on their heads?

How much would a Marc Jacob's Posh be anyway? I'm guessing pricey. The whole thing just leaves a bad spice in my mouth. Unless David is tucked into that bag next to her...then I might have to take out a second mortgage and buy one.

I love you Marc Jacobs. I love your clothes no matter what celebrity is endorsing them. I love me some big ass bottles of your gardenia scented perfumes, your signature metal aviators, your Fergalicious handbags, and anything else you put your name on. Do me a favor, bring your campaign to another advertising agency and let the Posh out of the bag.

*Keepin' it real.

sammy

Posted by Samara at 08:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (1)

I Wear my Sunglasses at Night.

Shayne Lamas, daughter of Renegade Lorenzo Lamas had an interesting quote on the newest installment of The Bachelor. (Disclaimer- I don't watch The Bachelor, I accidentally left the flat screen on after Samantha Who?) So Shayne revealed to her Bachelor rather nonchalantly that her top priorities fell in this order: cars, shoes, handbags, sunglasses and watches.
"I think if you have all those five, it doesn't matter what you're wearing on your body."