This morning I had a visit from my friendly neighborhood plumber.
To make a long plumbing story short, my 2nd floor shower was leaking through the lighting fixture of my first floor dining room. I made a quick service call and spent the remaining 24 hours pre-plumber arrival feeling terrified that I might ultimately end up with a hole in my ceiling the size of Texas.
In an effort to protect the innocent, I shall refer to my designated plumber as Eduardo. While Eduardo was working hard and leaning over my temperamental tub, I couldn't help but catch an accidental glimpse of clichéd crack. My cheeks reddened as the tops of his cheeks became more and more exposed. I turned away, embarrassed, but it got me thinking that this was no longer strictly a plumber's problem.
These days I have been catching more and more glances of revealed coin slots on men, women, adolescent boys, and even babies who don't have the decency, balance or upper body strength to pull up their droopy diapers. Thanks to the increasing popularity of Low-Rise jeans, the dreaded plumber's crack is now a universal issue that is affecting everyone without discriminating against age, sex, ethnicity or religious preference. From a fashion standpoint, it is a problem that needs to be addressed.
This is why I am here and this is why out of all of the guest bathrooms in the world, Eduardo walked into mine. Eduardo was put on this earth to fix leaks. I was put on this earth to fix the occasional fashion faux pas.
After a little research I discovered that one talented designer had cracked the code on unconcealed crack. Kimberly Brewer is the mastermind behind the Backtacular Gluteal Cleft Shield, an ingenious stick-on patch that will cover up any remnants of inappropriate bum cleavage. Easy to use, this little denim savior is hypoallergenic and sticks right onto your skin. Available in a variety of colors and patterns from butterflies to peace signs, this little patch from heaven will keep your ass covered while also doubling as a rad tramp stamp/lower back tattoo cover up.
Thankfully, all is well in my plumbing world. Eduardo patched up the leak with plumber's putty and left my ceiling it tact. I was warned to keep a close eye on it and if it continues to leak, Ed will have to come back and make my piping and drainage nightmares a reality.
Pre-plumber departure, Eduardo handed me his business card in case I should ever find myself in desperate need of his plumbing services again. I, in return gave him my business card with my easy to read Let's Talk Style url on it, in case he should ever find himself in desperate need of any Ask Sammy advice.
Hopefully Eduardo is reading right now and ordering some Backtacular Shields for his next service call, and hopefully my ceiling doesn't collapse. That would be bad crack karma.