In his celebrated pastoral comedy, As You Like It, Shakespeare wrote: All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players... but not all of those players dress well, as illustrated last evening during the 17th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards.
Nestled in between the Golden Globes and the Oscars, the SAG Awards ceremony is generally a simpler affair, in comparison to its other award show counterparts. The nominees and presenters slip into more relaxed styles and are able to redeem themselves for any previous goofs on the Golden Globes red carpet. I wasn't terribly offended by any of the Guild gowns represented, but with that said, there were still a few SAG WTFs.
Let's begin with the no class acts.
Helena, Helena, Helena. In The King's Speech you hired someone to help your husband George VI conquer his crippling stammer, why can't you hire someone to help you conquer your crippling fashion stammers? Your Marc Jacobs gown was pretty understated on top, but then you got all Beetlejuice with the back tiered skirt and messy cotillion inspired updo. You did listen to me and match your shoes though. Thanks for that.
Jane Lynch. I love you Sue Sylvester, but this is probably the first awards show appearance where you hit a bad note in your lavender Ali Rahimi ball gown that made you look dated, hippy (wider in the hip area, not bohemian) and like you were tossed a reject bridesmaid gown from the Katherine Heigl rom-com 27 Dresses.
Winona Ryder. You might not have stolen the show in your cream mock prom/bridal number, but I wouldn't put it past you to have stolen that Alberta Ferretti gown. I'm just saying.
As for the best in class acts, I loved Mila Kunis' red Alexander McQueen gown, suitable for a Black Swan Queen alternate; January Jones revealed a lot less skin that normal in a lacy, ladylike Carolina Herrera gown perfect for any Hitchcockian heroine; and Rosario Dawson was the picture of elegance in J Mendel.
Most honorable mentions:
I appreciated Julie Bowen for rocking a pantsuit without looking like Diane Keaton and Julie Stiles for her flowing ode to ombre, but Best Actress winners Natalie Portman and Claire Danes came closest to making it to the top of the class. Natalie showed off her baby bump effortlessly in a dazzling white Azzara gown that fit her expanding abdomen like a glove. Why doesn't she get an A+? That dress only works if you have a bun in the oven, and last I checked this blog post wasn't featuring the Best Pregger SAG dresses of 2011.
Claire Danes also impressed in a sweeping, floral patterned Louis Vuitton gown. Why didn't she go all the way? Her looped de looped belt threw me off. Don't go all hip hop on me Claire. Next time, keep it classy.