Today is Valentine's Day.
Today you are either smiling, stuffing your face with chocolate and walking to the beat of a Barry White ballad, or you're cursing Hallmark, every one of your stupid exes and that Roman Saint Valentine priest guy who performed secret marriages, thus inspiring this whole bogus holiday in the first place.
This year I fall into the first group, oozing with romantic lovey dovey gestures and feelings that would have formerly driven me to the nearest toilet to hurl my early morning Egg McMuffin.
If you fall into the second group, I have four words for you: Be your own Valentine.
Buy yourself a box of chocolates that you don't have to share with anyone, toss back a bottle of champagne (after work) and/or splurge on those shoes/that dress/that bag/makeup/jewelry/puppy that you've been eyeing because you love yourself and you deserve it.
You'll also never break up with yourself and feel like a nimrod for shelling out all that cash on a total loser.